Paranoia

 

The voices start to grow louder in the back of your mind.

At first they are mere whispers in fog of information overload, but as time wears on those whispers amplify more and more, before resonating as a shriek.

In starting pharmacy school it seems as if the world is yours for the taking. For years you followed the predefined path, reading the likes of Socrates and learning the detailed psychology of the human mind. And in arriving in pharmacy school, you feel as if you are finally about to reach your life's true aspirations.

And then a funny thing happens. That hopefulness, that strong desire for learning is slowly chipped away like waves crashing against a cliff. Eventually you become a shell of yourself, merely moving through the motions and responding to questions when asked.

Someone once drew a parallel to boot camp in the army, where we are all broken down in an attempt to rebuild our minds and internal processes as professionals.

But at what cost?

Those voices mentioned at the start of this post are the voices of paranoia. The overwhelming sense that, at any point, you will be labeled a failure. Not just in your mind, but in the minds of your family and your peers. For every professor that is there to support you, there is always one or more who seemingly relish in making you squirm.

So your paranoia grows. It consumes you. It dictates your actions in every aspect of your life.

Did I put my shoes on the correct feet this morning? Did I shut off the light in the kitchen? Did I sign my name correctly?

The latter may sound silly to some, but when your hounded about signing with proper credentials every week it is something you become acutely aware of. It is at this point that you realize you have been broken, reduced to merely a puppet in the confines of pharmacy school.

But it is at this point where you rebuild. The light at the end of the proverbial tunnel begins to grow and what was once seemingly impossible seems tantalizingly tangible. A question is asked about why oxybutinin causes dry mouth and, without thinking, you start describing it's anti-cholinergic properties.

Maybe you can do this. Maybe this seemingly unending and unnerving mount of information you have been presented with has, in some way, become ingrained in your mind. Maybe once you were broken, but now you have become what you have always wanted... a healthcare professional.

And slowly those voices begin to quiet, first down to a whisper before ultimately vanishing completely. In some ways you are finally mentally at peace.

Yet... you still feel incomplete. As if the sacrifices made you into a new person at the cost of who you were. Whether that is a good or bad thing remains unseen, but it leaves one with a tantalizing question.

Are we better off?

Will You Remember Me?

Every day we cheat death. It is not something we readily acknowledge despite its prevalence.

We choose to eat a low fat salad for lunch. We choose to drive just a little slower on the freeway after a scare.We choose to go for that three mile run when all we want is to drink a beer on the couch.

Jusitifying it as a desire for "healthy living" we go about our lives without acknowledging that what we are really doing is avoiding the inevitable for just a little while longer. Each person has a differing reason for following such a winding, and often difficult, path.

Many years ago I realized I didn't want to just live my life as a mindless drone in a dead-end job. I did not want to be the person who merely went through the motions of bringing home a check, driving the kids to soccer practice and then hit repeat every day. I wanted to do something different, something unique, something... special.

It is one of the reasons I chose pharmacy. Hell, it is one of the reasons this site exists.

I have few selfish desires in my daily life. I put the vast majority of free energy towards my wife and son because... well they deserve it. For many years my main daily goal has been to make people happy. For my wife it may be a simple massage at the end of a long day, for family and friends it is my intentionally hilarious comments on Facebook or Twitter.

Ultimately though I begin wonder if I will be remembered.

I have always wanted to do something truly great, something that makes people step back and be amazed. I always said one of my goal's in pharmacy was to change the world in some way before my time was done. How I will accomplish this remains a mystery, yet a part of me feels that this particular time will come.

Yet a small part of this desire was born in spite. Far too many times in my life, especially my "school yard" days, I was dismissed or told I would not amount to much. Since that time I have always been driven to not only prove them wrong, but to make them feel humble in their judgements.

As the years have worn on and I have continued on this process, my ultimate desires have become more  personal. Today I would be very content just knowing my son, wife and family were proud of me. Everything else is secondary to this point.

And yet, there is still that desire to attain greatness... the ability to look back on my life many decades from now and smile knowing that I am going to leave this world a better place.

I guess the ultimate question is... Will you remember me?

The 'Nevers'

Fewer singular words are more difficult to comprehend than the word never. We live our daily lives looking towards the future and under the assumption that we can do whatever we set our minds to.

There is no 'never' in this mindset.

We teach our children that they can grow up to be a world famous scientist or the president or a star football player. As we enter young adulthood, we are told we can be the next great business person or a well respected health professional.

There's always more in life to attain and time appears to be limitless.

But the truth is, the older you get the more 'nevers' become apparent.

For instance, I will never be an astronaut. Surely this was a fantasy in the most literal sense, but I am now officially beyond the most basic requirements. Even if I were to set every ounce of energy towards attaining this goal, I can no longer attain it.

As the number of 'nevers' increases over the years some choose to ignore them while others choose to embrace them.

Namely because when you start thinking about the 'nevers' a wave of sadness floods over one's self. We do not like the term because never is ultimately connected with one of our most feared words... death.

For instance, I will never talk to my good friend again. Never again will we meet up yearly in my hometown for a local event, drink beers on the deck of my home and laugh at those who doubted us in high school. It's a difficult and bitter pill to swallow, and it is intrinsically laced with the word 'never.

I will never recapture the sheer amount of unbridled fun of the first year in college. There were minimal stresses in life and when all of your friends live on the same wing of your dorm you ultimately form daily unforgettable experiences. Today, we're lucky if we can all gather but one time a year.

Not all 'nevers' are negative in nature.

Never again will I not know what it's like to be a father. Who knew someone so small could brighten even the darkest days?

Never again will I have to worried about being loved in the last few years I have found more people who care for me than in all previous years combined. For someone who has found the deepest of depths of despair, it is reassuring to know this fact.

These are 'nevers' that I can live with. And they make the less enjoyable 'nevers' a bit more barable.

So on days like today, remember what we may never be able to change the past. We may never be able to change how we feel. We may never be able to get over our own personal pain.

But that's okay. It makes us stronger, more resilient and ultimately a better person.

And in the end, that is what truly matters.

Who Am I?

For various reasons I decided it would be best to take the summer off from using my brain. This is the first thing I have written in over two months and, for the most part, I have remained as distanced from pharmacy as I can be right now.

After the last year, I felt a need to simply relax and spend time with the family. And as I look ahead to second year starting in a little over the week, I find myself asking, "Who Am I?"

One year ago I was overly ambitious, hell bent on changing the pharmacy world upon graduation. I felt as if I was here to right so many of the injustices we all live with every day in the profession.

Then class started... and work become overbearing... and the baby came.... essentially, reality set in. I'm still bitter towards my school and the profession after how the first year panned out. Honestly, I'm not sure if I'll ever get that taste out of my mouth, no matter how much I try.

And if it wasn't for the wife or Lil Man, I doubt I would have survived.

But who I am now? All I want right now is to finish school, have enough money to provide for my family and spend time with them. Whether that's as the director of pharmacy for a large hospital or as simply the RxM at Walgreen's, it truly does not matter to me at the moment.

I would love to be able to find enjoyment in pharmacy again, to find that fire that used to burn so strongly inside of me.

And to find out just precisely who I am now... because I really have no idea.

10 Year Anniversary

My first day of work in a pharmacy was June 1st, 2001. It was my first job, and the ultimate goal was to make enough money to buy some bitchin' clothes for my sophomore year in high school.

Fascination grew while learning terms like "Stool Softner" and the fact there were medications that made you pee. In fact, the "pee pills", HCTZ and Furosemide, were the very first drugs I learned. By the end of the summer I found myself enjoying what I was doing, but still had no idea that it would transform into my lifelong profession.

Now, I'm staring down at my ten year pharmacy anniversary. Changes over those ten years are too numerous to count, and too minute to elaborate upon. There has been different cities, different schools, different states, and yet I ultimately have not wavered in what I want to do.

Well, until actually starting pharmacy school.

I remember the Bextra and Vioxx recalls, the birth (if you want to call it that) of Medicare Part D, the proliferation of e-Rxs and the rise of $4 generics. I have seen way more than I ever intended to and sometimes I feel like I have more knowledge and experience than I deserve.

The question now becomes, do I celebrate this milestone? Do I look upon it with befuddled curiosity and continue on with my day? Does it even matter in the grand scheme of things?

I am 25 years old and have spent nearly half of my life in this profession. I venture that there are very few others out there who can lay claim to such a fact.

Who knows what will happen in the next ten years? Who knows if I'll even still be optimistic after another ten years.

If one thing is evident, I feel I should at least raise a beer when June 1st arises. And then hunker down a prepare for a day of work in the battlefield that is pharmacy.

Because right now, that's what pharmacy is, a battle. A battle between the desires of the profession, between PBMs, between what our current health care system says what pharmacy is compared to what it should be, and between our own shreds of sanity.

And at least I'm young enough to still have my sanity.

For now.

Year One: Complete

First year has been over for about a week and it's only been in the last day or two where my mind is finally able to unlock from the "Study All The F'n Time" gear. Hell it wasn't until the third day after my last final before I was finally began to feel as if the stress of school was subsiding.

Funny how that works.

To say I am ecstatic for this year to be over may, in fact, be the understatement of the year. I have neglected this site for the same reason I have neglected everything else the last six months, I felt I had to. Without going into too many details, my school managed to completely rip apart who I am as a person and how I conduct myself both academically and personally.

It wasn't until very recently that I was able to shake off the scratches from that meeting prior to the start of the spring semester and finally be able to feel comfortable once again. Only time in my life I have ever truly doubted it and it frustrates me all to hell that it was induced by others.

So to those deans and profs who said I was unprofessional and would never survive pharmacy school, you can take my As and Bs from this semester and shove them up your ass.

As bad as it sounds, I have resorted to steering people away from my school on the basis of how I, and others, were treated in the past years. Call it my first taste of reality in dealing with egos if you will.

That being said, this place should become a bit more lively in the coming weeks. With rediscovered confidence comes a new-found desire to post nonsensical ramblings. Because honestly, that's what everyone comes here for right?

It's going to be one helluva a summer. And I can't fucking wait.

A Collection of Disdain

Oh woe is me.

That simple statement is the underlying theme of pharmacy school, at least if you ask people who are either in it or have recently escaped it. Little variation exists from person to person as while the verbiage may change, the tone does not.

As I slowly begin to rediscover my pharmacy mojo and climb out of this funk from the last few months I am discovering just how truly unhappy the vast majority of students here are. It is such a collection of disdain and frustration that at times it is almost overwhelming.

Even those who put on the most stoic of faces, are internally crumbling. Many are too proud to admit their struggles or to admit their frustrations. After years of being used to academic success, it is a bitter realization that one may be forced to struggle to earn merely average grades.

Nor will it become any easier. At least not yet.

And one has to wonder when this feeling will ever end. Honestly, I think the majority of success one has in this program is learning how to mitigate these feelings. Despite the pamphlets and the emails and the meetings, they never tell you one of the important tests you'll be faced with over the next four years. That is the fact that you will be mentally broken down and slowly rebuilt as the curriculum wears on.

It's the equivalent of academic boot camp.

But we mustn't feel sorry for ourselves. We mustn't drown ourselves in the almost sweltering pressure that at times seems unending.

For we are not alone. No matter what the surface may show, beneath it there is little difference. We're all in this hell-hole together, and we're going to be buried under it for a few more years.

So to hell with it I say. To hell with being overly stressed to the point of exhaustion. To hell with trick exams and impossible objectives. To hell with letting an academic program attempt to break me.

The worst may be yet to come, but I say bring it on. Because I'm taking this bitch on head on from this moment forward.

Who's with me?

To Post or Not To Post

As I sit here gazing out the library window as the wisps of spring begin to enter the air, I have been contemplating the last few months of my life. They have been a roller coaster of triumph, failure and exhaustion. With the light at the end of the tunnel slowly growing brighter, I am left in a bit of a quandary....

...Namely whether or not I shall continue this blog.

For almost four years and 503 posts I have documented my journey as a discouraged undergrad to successfully adapting to pharmacy curriculum.

I have gotten married, become a father, moved hundreds of miles and lost a good friend along the way. This site was originally designed as a centralized database for my adventures at work, but over the years it has evolved into something more.

Now I am left wondering where to take it from here. I do not have the time, nor the confidence or experience, to take it in the direction of Eric, RPh or The Redheaded Pharmacist. I cannot compete with the artful and hilarious writings of Drug Monkey or TAP. Nor do I want to emulate any other pharmacy blog in existence.

I always told myself that I wanted this site to be something slightly unique and different. Everyone can yell and complain about the profession, I had decided long ago to delve onto a different path.

Today, when I wish to write I find myself writing more about my other main interest rather than pharmacy. I am not sure if it is that I am burnt out on the topic due to the trial and tribulations of the first year of school or if it is something more.

Call it writer's block if you will... except there is no actual block. It's merely a nonchalant feeling when it comes to discussing daily aspects related to the profession.

That, and the pharmacy I work at is incredibly boring to work in.

Earlier this week I toyed with the idea of possibly calling it quits. The response I have received since then has kept me open to the idea of keeping open... at least until I can decompress over the summer.

In short, the tone of this place may change a bit in the coming weeks. As to what that one may be, I cannot say, but it will be different nonetheless.

Whether its for the good or the bad... well that's up to you to let me know.

Lost My Pharmacy Mojo

First, to those who have asked, the family is doing just fine. Lil man is starting to sleep progressively longer through the nights (yay) and so far school has gone forth without a hitch.

I have run into a somewhat disturbing situation in the last two weeks. Somewhere, some place, I have lost my pharmacy mojo.

The whole excitement about the field, the profession and the learning is gone. It's not that I dislike it or am uninterested, but that little flame has flickered out.

Oddly enough it has nothing to do with spending almost a decade in retail. Nor does it have anything to do with the actually school work involved. It's not even related to the being a new father. Namely it has resulted from some behind the door situations at school.

It has left a rather bitter taste in my mouth that makes me question the viability of the next three and a half years. Don't get me wrong, I have not changed my mind by any means, but my outlook has been drastically altered. To say it has sucked the joy out of what I want to do may be the understatement of this young year.

As such, this site may grow a bit stagnant for a while until I get my groove back. No, I will not divulge the specifics of the situation for numerous reasons, it's not that I want to keep things private but I decided professionally it is not wise to air your dirty laundry. Especially as I contemplate continuing anonymity here.

Therefore, if any asks I am alive and well, if not distant at the moment. I need to find that spark again in some place, I am just unsure as to where and when that will occur.

For those looking into the field, I will continue to field any and all questions. Everyone knows how to get a hold of me.

Peace out Pharm Friends.

I'm Lazy

The overwhelming theme of this winter break? Sheer laziness.

I had a decent sized list of things I wanted to either do or complete over winter break. As spring classes now loom over my head, I have looked over that list and discovered I have accomplished little, if any, of them.

And honestly I don't really care.

The only thing that is mildly disappointing is not finishing the article I had started working on at the start of the semester. I think we can place the blame of not finishing that, and other things, on being a new father no?

I've been enjoying this funk of not wanting to think. I'm not really sure why as the fall semester wasn't overly mentally taxing, but hey I can sit on a couch and stare at a tv with the best of them now.

Of course the last two weeks has been, more or less, late night after late night staying up with the little guy which only propagates more laziness. It's impressive in the most disheartening sort of way.

Disheartening in that I hate being lazy. Channeling my inner nerd, I'm mildly excited for classes to start up again. I like being challenged on a regular basis, even though it may eventually frustrate and exhaust me.

Naturally this is a huge unknown as to how this will work with the baby and I do have an incessant fear of relying far too much on the wife. I really don't want to have to be a regular absent father during the semester, but I feel at some points it's going to be required.

In any case, in just a few days the laziness ends and the grind begins once again.

At least the wife will be able to drink with me this semester. Thank God for that.

My Newest Study Partner

The last few days, for obvious reasons, have been hectic. I have taken the night shift to let the wife sleep as she evicted the little guy with no drugs and, therefore, I say she reserves the right to a good night's sleep.

I'll probably still be a bit AWOL for several days as we become accustomed to our new lives. Don't worry though, I won't be too far away from the blogosphere...

Operation Baby Ejection has Begun!

If you're reading this post, it means that little Mason (yes that is his name) has decided to claw his way out of the wife.

I have no idea if I'll be gone from this site for a week or a month. As you read this I am stepping into the great unknown, only without my trusty flask this time.

Wish me luck.

Breathing, Peeing and Pooping, Oh My!

Depressing notion for the week... Walked into the library today and the librarian who's working the desk looks at me and goes:

Well hello! So nice to see you again!

I think that's a bad a sign. Or a good sign. Or... I don't know what the hell it means.

Alas, this is the fifth straight night I have been in this wretched little library. Tonight I am learning the intricacies of breathing, peeing and pooping.

Who said there's no glory in studying the human body?

Three more days and freedom awaits me... at least until the little bugger makes his initial appearance. As I sit in the study at night going over material, every time I here her move in the bedroom my blood pressure shoots up as I prepare for her to walk in and say, "It's time."

It's like a game of Russian Roulette, only instead of a bullet it's a small child.

Before one of our finals on Friday, a classmate of mind was bitching to me about how 'stressful' it has been studying for the exams this week.

Really? My wife is about to eject a watermelon from an area which seems like it does not have the space to eject a watermelon. Every time my BlackBerry flashes the LED colors signifying I have a message from her (BTW: if you have a BB, look up the app BerryBuzz. You'll thank me later) my heart flutters a little bit.

Pretty sure when it actually does happen, I will either hyperventilate, piss or shit my pants. Maybe all three, who knows.

At least I know now how precisely each process works. Although we never did cover birthing...

One Semester (Almost) Down

I sit here plotting out my schedule for the next fourteen days. Finals are approaching and I need to develop a battle plan to not just survive, but conquer my upcoming finals. It's hard to believe the the first semester has almost come and gone. The excitement of being in pharmacy school wore off weeks ago, and now I find myself aching for finals to end.

To everyone who said I couldn't do all of this this semester, I have but one phrase for you: Go to hell. This includes my school's Academic Office and our class adviser.

My schedule for the vast majority of this semester consisted of:

7:20am - Crawl out of bed
7:50am - Drive to campus
8:20am - Hop on the campus bus
8:50am - Class
11:45pm - 20 minute break for lunch
2:25pm (5pm on Tuesdays, 6pm on Thursdays) - Class ends
3pm (5:30 on T, 6:30 on R) - Go to work
11:30pm - Get off work
11:45 - Get home, say hi to the wife
12:00am - Burst of studying
2:00am - Bedtime

And this doesn't include the 9am to 11:30pm shifts I would work on the occasional Saturday. Yes, for the first two and a half months of pharmacy school I averaged working 50+ hours a week.

Did it suck? Damn straight it did. Did my grades suffer? Not really. Am I glad it's over? Hell yes I am.

This semester has been hell. Luckily my wife has been awesome throughout this, which I mentioned a few weeks ago, and we have everything ready for the arrival of Phathead Jr in about a month.

I have cut back to a mere 33 hours a week, which is roughly what I'll be maintaining next spring. I've tested out of one class, possibly two, so my schedule will be a little lighter. There will be no rest during winter break with a newborn in the house, but I like a challenge.

People in my class and online ask me all the time how in the world I do all of this. Truly, I do not know. I think I've conditioned my body to get used to this sort of thing over the past few years. I'm probably one of the least stressed out students in my class namely because I've been through much worse.

In 2-3 weeks time, this semester will end and I can prepare for the spring. I will be a much, much better student than I was this time around, namely because I know what to expect.

Plus, look at it this way, only 1255 days to go!

How You Can Touch A Life In A Pharmacy

It's hard to imagine that I have been in pharmacy for nearly ten years now. When I was started I was a bright-eyed fifteen year old, fresh off his first year in high school. Now I sit here awaiting the birth of my child and stressing over the possibility of pharmacy residencies and MBA programs.

I'm not sure if you can quantify one particular point in my life that drove me to pharmacy. Rather it is more a collection of experiences spread over the first handful of years working in a pharmacy.

In the past I've written about the steps I have gone to help a patient and what it's like dealing with the death of a patient. But the first time a patient I had known well died is really what sticks out in my mind.

I was seventeen at the time, still young enough to be oblivious to the actualities of the real world. The patient was a captain in a branch of the military, which one though has forever escaped my memory.

He was a rather fun guy to be around. A doting husband and father, he always had a legitimately funny story to tell when he came into the store. One of the few patients who makes your day a little better when you see them walk through the front door.

At this point, I was seriously mulling pharmacy as a career and he kept encouraging me to go that route. His thing was to always challenge yourself and to not become overly lax in your daily life. It's a motto I have since adapted as my own.

One day while preparing to fly out for an assignment he was stricken with a massive headache. He was taken to the hospital on his base and after a serious of tests they determined that had a brain tumor.

A terminal brain tumor.

He was then discharged to begin treatments and to spend time with his family. Over the next several months this kind and gentle man devolved into a bitter and angry one. He would come in, snap at his wife, yell at us and say things that I do not wish to repeat here.

It was difficult at the time to process. I had never dealt with something like that and wasn't sure how to think, yet alone respond to it.

Just a few months after that initial headache he passed. A few weeks after that his wife, came in to pick up something for herself. As she was leaving she put her hand on mine and said that her husband began to revert to himself during his final days. He wanted to apologize for all he said and had done to us during that time.

And that he wanted her to make sure that 'pharmacy kid' stuck with pharmacy as a career as communities need people 'like him' in that sort of position.

I never saw her much after that. I suppose she really didn't have much of a reason to visit us anymore. A year later I went off to college and the rest, as they say, is history.

It's something that's stuck with me over the years though. The fact that even when a patient is near death, their thoughts can turn to us and what we have done for them. Whenever I crawl into my personal pit of despair, that memory usually acts as my ladder to climb out of it.

I guess in some way I'll always be that 'pharmacy kid.' And I'm perfectly okay with that.

My How Things Change In A Year

Roughly one year ago today I received notice from the first school I interviewed at that I was waitlisted. It was a crushing blow for me at the time, especially when the wife and I were hoping to have some idea of where we would be living a year from now.

To say I was unsure of myself would be a vast understatement. I said to myself, at the time, that if I did finally get accepted to a school that I would finally believe that I was destined to be a pharmacist.

One year later and I'm still unsure.

But think of all that's changed for me in the past year. I had a spat with the company I worked with for 6+ years ultimately resulting in me resigning and being unemployed for five weeks. I ended up being accepted to four schools all across the country and shortly thereafter I found out I'd be a father for the first time. And we got the cutest puppy the world has ever seen.

We moved to a completely new area for us, devoid of everything we know in the hopes of starting a new life here. A little over a month ago I suddenly lost one of the best friends I'll ever have. And here I sit, the day before Thanksgiving, scrambling to get in studying in case the baby decides to arrive early.

That's a helluva lot of change in one year.

Pharmacy school is what I expected and is not what I expected. I have yet to decide if it is something specific to differences in how they are doing things this year or if it has something to do with myself. In the last two months I have questioned if this is something I truly want to do more than at any other point in my life.

Yet, despite all of the change and all of the hardships, I still find myself proclaiming "Hell yes this is what I want to do!" It's more that this proclamation comes far and few in-between as of late.

And it's only going to get worse.

T-minus three years and six months to go...

Pharmacy School: Supporting SSRIs!

In one corner sits a person ashen faced, staring into nothingness. Perhaps a slight streak of drool traces their chin, but they are dead to the world.

In another someone sits face in hand, sobbing uncontrollably. Their body shudders with each stifled wail as on-lookers stare.

Yet another person is merely wondering aimlessly about the room. Mumbling incoherently, a kind passerby offers a consolation of candy and is greeted by an indifferent stare.

What is the connection between these three individuals? They're all pharmacy students!

If you want to discuss an up and down roller coaster of emotions, talk to your nearest pharmacy students. For every high you there is a stunning low which is soon to follow.

At no point do you catch your breath and often you find new depths to your own personal despair. It's like being punched repeatedly in the balls, helped back up, and then be hit in the same balls with a jackhammer.

And then be pissed on by a bunch of angry elderly women.

Truly, it's amazing. If I were in any other situation, I would think there is something mentally wrong with myself. Eventually, such as days like today, you reach this insanity driven breaking point when you incessantly giggle. As if nothing in the world matters and everything is hilarious.

And here's the best part... this isn't the worst of it. Not by a long shot. That threshold is still a year or so away.

No time to wallow in the depression tonight, yet another exam awaits a mere 38 hours away. And let me tell ya, I truly am excited... and by excited I mean three seconds away from bashing my head repeatedly into a wall.

Good times.

Am I Too Cynical?

One of the greatest realizations a person can have is that you are not always right. In fact, you're probably wrong more often than you may think.

That statement is the precise reason why I won't enter politics; I'm too open to the ideas of others in place of my own if they are better. I fully concede there are times when I am completely wrong or have an illogical train of thought. I do my best to think things through in a logical manner, devoid of emotional input, but we're human and at times that is simply not possible.

It goes without saying that I probably have more intimate knowledge about the profession of pharmacy than 99% of my classmates right now. I do not state this as an ego-booster (although I have been told that others would disagree), but as a statement of fact.

I think we can agree that most of the material published on the pharmacy blogs, this one included, has an overtly negative tone. Sometimes I justify this as merely being realistic about the profession, an idea which is grounded in some logic. Recently I've been debating if this collection of negativity has clouded not only my judgment, but my attitude.

In more concise terms, I have become too cynical.

All we hear about, or talk about, in this type of medium is the negative. View any major news publication and the stories that receive the most, and most consistent, play are negative in nature. Call it a byproduct of our society if you will, but because of this we have become colluded into viewing the world in negative lights.

For instance we all argue about the adverse effects of mail order pharmacy on the profession and the care of the patient. It's something that has been beaten into my head from various sources over the years so much so that any 'good' news regarding mail order pharmacy is met with a sneer on my face.

Imagine my surprise last week when I went to a presentation and was introduced to a mail order system that actually works. A system which is producing better outcomes than the traditional retail setting. A system which solves the majority of the problems we associate with mail order pharmacy.

I sat, jaw agape, for much of the presentation. "How can this be?" I thought.

Over the years I had grown so use what everyone else had been saying about mail order that I neglected the fact that it could possibly work. Something which I had written off as a death blow to the profession in fact has a very helpful place within it.

In essence, I had not followed my own mantra of being open to the ideas of others.

There is no particular blame to be placed. What is said, for the most part, needs to be said. The context of what is being said, at least in my mind, needs to remain forefront

After all, I don't wanna grow up to be Scrooge. Or do I....

My Wife Rocks

Never underestimate your support system. Seriously, its slightly surprising how much stuff they cram into your schedule each week. Tie in working and maintaining a family... And you can gather some idea the organized chaos that I deal with on a daily basis.

Immediately you are initially concerned on how you are going to balance things. Some areas are going to have to be sacrificed, there is no denying that, but where to do so becomes problematic.

This is where my awesome wife comes in. Some days I leave the house at 7:30 am and do not end up back home until midnight.

Yet she never complains. She's always happy and jovial when I get home, if she's still awake that is. Sometimes she'll have dinner ready for me, even though it may be excessively late.

And even when I am home, I'm often holed up in my study for hours at a time. I'm not sure if we've gone to bed at the same time since school started.

Still no complaints. And did I mention she's pregnant?

Often I have people ask how I'm able to do all of this on a daily basis. My wife is the biggest reason for this. Without her, and my beloved BlackBerry whom keeps me uber organized, I woulda sunk a long time ago.

My wife rocks.

You should all be jealous now.

One Last Time...

Can't send you out of this world without one last listen to our favorite KoRn song.

Crank it up bud.