For various reasons I decided it would be best to take the summer off from using my brain. This is the first thing I have written in over two months and, for the most part, I have remained as distanced from pharmacy as I can be right now.
After the last year, I felt a need to simply relax and spend time with the family. And as I look ahead to second year starting in a little over the week, I find myself asking, "Who Am I?"
One year ago I was overly ambitious, hell bent on changing the pharmacy world upon graduation. I felt as if I was here to right so many of the injustices we all live with every day in the profession.
Then class started... and work become overbearing... and the baby came.... essentially, reality set in. I'm still bitter towards my school and the profession after how the first year panned out. Honestly, I'm not sure if I'll ever get that taste out of my mouth, no matter how much I try.
And if it wasn't for the wife or Lil Man, I doubt I would have survived.
But who I am now? All I want right now is to finish school, have enough money to provide for my family and spend time with them. Whether that's as the director of pharmacy for a large hospital or as simply the RxM at Walgreen's, it truly does not matter to me at the moment.
I would love to be able to find enjoyment in pharmacy again, to find that fire that used to burn so strongly inside of me.
And to find out just precisely who I am now... because I really have no idea.
2 comments:
Keep posting if you can, bro. Maybe it'll help relieve the stress. I have looked to your blog for guidance and entertainment since I was a freshman in undergrad four years ago. I am now a fresh P1 at my top choice school. My journey and struggles are probably nowhere near as tough as yours, but you're an inspiration to myself and many other aspiring pharmacists. Hang in there and realize that someone in cyberspace cares.
Hang in there is right. For now, you're a tired boogie and living for the moment, one day at time. (Especially with a new child...and every moment is like 3 or 4 in regular time.) When you get ahead, then you can look back! Good luck!
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