It's My Birthday!

What I have learned these past twenty-four years...

* Brake fluid and bleach, when combined, make a shit ton of smoke
* Eating beer and buffalo wings all night long make a sufficient laxative
* Peeing on an electric fence doesn't hurt... touching your penis to that same electric fence does
* Stoners make massively entertaining friends
* People are far more stupid than we give them credit for
* A 600 pound woman can, in fact, find a tube top to stuff herself into

* Sharting is not as rare of a phenomenon as you are lead to believe
* Alcohol can make anything look sexy... including trees
* One of my friends has a fetish for trees when he's drunk. See above
* Lighting farts on fire is possible
* Punching bank windows, when you need more beer money, will lead to a broken hand
* Drunken backflips off of a roof of a car do not end well
* Chemistry is not as useless as it is made out to be
* Slapping a taper on the ass, in a zoo, is NOT a good idea

Some day I'm gonna sit down and write myself a book. Until then, its on to the quarter century mark!