The Forest Gump Driving Academy

Let me preface this by noting that I have only lived in this area for about two weeks now. I am, quite literally, well out of my element in terms of location. Prior to interviewing here I had been to the area maybe once and I am several hours away from anything I am familiar with.

I have also lived in, and am familiar with, two very large metropolitan areas.

That being said, this city must have the highest concentration of mentally handicapped drivers I have ever seen. And I don't mean in an unsafe manner, I mean I am on the road with a bunch of Rain Men.

The following examples are merely from my short 15 minute drive to work today.

First, everyone here seems to do at least 10 mph below the speed limit. All the time. The main road I take has a posted speed limit of 45 mph. I was going 35 and FLYING past people. It's insane.

Second, I witnessed a semi attempt to make a turn as if he were a regular vehicle. No preparation in how wide he was going to have to turn, he just cranked it and went. Naturally he went completely up on the sidewalk always before he stopped and realized what he did.

Then he suddenly threw it in reverse and started backing up towards the rest of us. In the middle of a busy intersection. As the lights were changing.

Oh, but there's more.

So for a brief while I travel down this three lane road or what have you. I'm crusin' along when suddenly traffic slows to a crawl. The reason? There's a 'Wet Paint' truck ahead.

Now, I know what you're thinking right now. "Oh Phatty, why get bent out of shape for people abiding by the utility workers. That's a good thing!"

And it is.... except he wasn't on duty. He was just driving on the road, probably to his next job. No lines were being painted, no cones collected, no lights flashing, just driving.

And because the back of the truck said "WARNING: Wet Paint, DO NOT PASS" every naturally decided that in no manner is it acceptable to pass the truck.

This is going down a three lane busy road at 20 mph. Each lane had at least eight or nine cars backed up in it because no one would pass the freakin' truck simply because they could not comprehend that the sign on the back of the truck was not relevant.

After two miles I turned off the road and let the idiot brigade carry on.

Now I have seen a lot of stupid shit on the road in my short life, but this really has to take the cake. You cannot comprehend how dumbfounded I was by the end of my journey.

And I have four more years left in this city.... I think I need to start investing in more Johnnie Walker.