Oh You Think You're Sneaky...

I really hate when patients try to outsmart us. Do they not realize that you have to have at least some semblance of intelligence in order to become a pharmacist? I would think, at least I would like to think, that the crackhead's, who just stumbled in the door, brain pan is slightly smaller than our pharmacist.

So why try to be sneaky?

My favorite lately is when a customer calls in and asks, "So I need a refill on my Hydrocodone and stuff. Can you tell me when the last time I had it filled was?"

or

"Hey I lost my bottle for my Hydrocodone again, could you refill it for me?"

First off, the 90 year old Alzheimers patient manages to not lose her bottles every month. Do you really expect me to believe a 25 year old man is incapable of holding on to one bottle for a month? I'm not fuckin dumb man.

Why not just say, "Hey, my rent is coming due and I need to sell me some Hydrocodone to make it."

Actually I can infer that's what you really mean when you attempt to skirt the truth. The profile with nine different docs in three months kinda helps to confirm that.

Or there is always, "I was calling to see if my Sertraline is ready... ok... oh before I forget, is my Darvocet there as well?"

It's kind of like when people come into buy syringes. The stores you hear are absolutely spectacular.

"Yeah I need 1,000 cc syringes because, like my cat... my cat yo has polio and uh... I have to give it shots of this stuff which uh... ya know keeps that bitch from dying?"

And I totally understand that statement... because I just shit out a fleet of dragons and named them after members of The Beatles.

The only one I semi-respect is the guy who comes into buy syringes and is sheepish about it. He admits he has a problem that he is trying to get help. Now we cannot, due to laws, refuse to sell them to him, but at least he's honest about it.

And don't even talk to me about editing or forging a prescription. I once saw a Dilaudid prescription altered in colored-fucking-pencil. Seriously, colored pencil.

Or the guy who brought in a script for Morefinie 250mg. Obviously they're not clever enough to use a little tool called Google and get the proper spelling or existing dosage.

Am I an asshole? Probably. Do I think I'm better than some of these people? Not in the least. Everyone has their problems, I'm at least honest about mine. Just don't try being fucking sneak.

You're not Batman. I am.