Batman Returns

It was a normal day in the ghetto. People getting their Lortabs, buying their cigs, letting their kids roam the streets. Needless to say I was in a pretty good mood because I had been at work for two hours and had not gotten yelled at for not knowing how much our eggs are. I was stoked.

About noon we found out that one of our customers had a warrant out for her arrest. Don't ask me how, but we always seem to find this kind of shit out about them. A few minutes later this person then walks in the door to drop off a prescription. My day just got better.


Oh yes it was time to put on the batsuit. Now this woman whom I shall now call Winona, more on that in a sec, was dropping off her usual Methadone script. We know she isn't probably in the best frame of mind considering she takes 180mg of Methadone a day, but I was not considering this. I was ready to put criminals behind bars!

Winona states that she'd be back in an hour and I immediately spring into action. I first call the court house to confirm that the warrant is still active (just to be sure) and it is. Turns out she's been wanted for theft for about three weeks. Thus why I am calling her Winona after the theft happy actress Winona Ryder. It was time to spring into action.

I waited patiently for Winona to come back and sure enough she did. She was in a rather chipper mood today, almost made me feel guilty for bustin' her ass. Oh well. I went in the back and dialed our friendly police station. They told me they would send a squad over right away. Bitchin'. I proceed to stall her for the next ten minutes. Shoot the shit, that kind of general stuff. I am a master at this kinda crap, its really remarkable.

During this time I get a phone call from our nursing facility. It turns out that the police were a little confused and went there instead. Dumbasses. I correct them and they say they'll be here in another ten minutes. Time for more stalling in which I create this wonderfully elaborate story on why her prescription is taking so long. Seriously I should write a book on how to make up this shit.

Finally the squad arrives and they come in the front door, one down each aisle. The look on her face when she turned around was utterly priceless. Its that same look a teenage boy gets when his mom walks in on him masturbating. Makes me wish I woulda had a camera. Winona proceeds to argue that she doesn't really have a warrant and all this other bs. Obviously she's not as good at making stuff up as I am.

Finally she asks if she can just get her drugs and she'll go to the station. They agree to let her do that before they cuff her. Now this is the kicker are you ready....

She took the prescription without paying. She was being arrested for theft and then technically stole her prescription in front of the police officers. How fucking awesome is that. I mean good Lord it does not get any sweeter than that.

I watched her get cuffed and tossed in the back of the police car and taken away. She did shoot me a rather nasty look as she was leaving, probably because she knows what I was doing. In any case it was the most fun day of work I have had in quite a while. I should bring the batsuit out more often...