My Genius Co-Workers

I have mentioned many times previously that the quality of help at the pharmacy I work out is going down faster than Paris Hilton on some rich dude. It's really rather spectacular. I have decided that none of our clerks have finished high school. Well except for the one that is currently in high school.

And that's where my story begins. See she is the daughter of one of our other 'clerks'. From what I guess she's either 16 or 17 and this is her first job. I've seen her literally sitting on the floor screaming at her mother because she wouldn't let her go to a party. Naturally our manager decided she would be an ideal employee.

I have no problem with people starting out their working careers with us. Personally I find it kinda fun as I really enjoy teaching people. Normally they start at the front counter where their biggest concern is making sure they card people who purchase cigarettes.

My manager, in a marvelous move, decided it would be best to start her immediately at the pharmacy register. It's a clusterfuck on steroids.

I've gotten to the point at my job where I don't give a rat's ass about the company. If it went belly up tomorrow, I would throw a party and dance on it's grave. I do, however, still care about the customers and serve them to the best of my abilities. But it is so goddamn fun to watch this clerk try and help them.

My prime example, and my new favorite example of this company's ineptitude, occurred just the other night.

She attempted to run an insurance card through the credit card machine... for five minutes.

Never mind the fact it is clearly just a piece of laminated paper and not made of the plastic credit cards are made of. Never mind the fact that there existed no Visa/Mastercard/Discover logo on it. Never mind the fact it did not contain a magnetic strip on the back.

It was decided by this clerk that it was obviously some form of payment and must be used in the credit card machine.

Ho...ly.... Shit.

I have seen some idiotic things at work, but the vast majority of the time it comes from the customers. When I kindly pointed out that it was an insurance card, I of course also had to explain that it is not the same as a credit card.

To complete this idiotic trifecta she then asked "So does that mean he has to pay for it?"

She's being stumbling through this job long enough to know that when it says there is a price on the Rx, that means they have to pay it. Obviously this was not computing in, what some would call, her brain.

I really, really love my job.

It's offical, it's Fupa Season!

The joys of pharmacy are quite literally endless. Ironically enough they don't appear to teach these fruits in pharmacy school. Despite being locked inside a very small area in the very back of a store often far away from any sign of nature, you can easily judge what season one is in.

In pharmacy world, it is not truly summer until you see the very first summer Fupa. The Fupa is elusive in the winter months, often hibernating between layers of expansive fabric. What is a Fupa you may ask? Consult this site, but be warned it is not for the faint of heart.

I saw my first Fupa today. My it was a glorious one at that. A cream white and speckled colored, the same appearance as cottage cheese, a Fupa with an obvious growth on it is a very rare sight indeed. Perhaps the rarest Fupa of all is the legendary Fupa with a treasure highway. For these Fupa, a treasure trail just simply is not enough, but instead exists a thick, sweaty, hairy, foresty highway for all to enjoy. It is a truly glorious experience.

For the next four months us pharmacy folk will get to enjoy Fupa's of all varieties. Alas this is the time of the season when the dreaded spandex makes it's mass appearance once again. In another month's time, we will be blessed with spotting sweat stained spandex. This is truly the work of gods.

So I welcome every to summer and Fupa season. May this Fupa season be as glorious and spectacular as all Fupa seasons past!

I Just Talked to a Perfect Individual

Gentleman called a few minutes ago asking for refills on his wife's metoprolol and lisinopril. Pulling up her profile I saw she received 30 tabs (a 30 day supply) on 4/24 making her 15 days early and I relayed that information to him.

"Well you must not have given me the right amount," he insinuates.

I go through the records and check and our robot verifies that the correct quantity was given out. I then explain,

"When the prescriptions left the store they contained the correct quantity. What happened to them once they left the store though, I do not know."

"Yea well I only have three tablets left, so why didn't you give me enough of them," he enthusiastically interjects.

"Sometimes," I start explaining, "they get put in the wrong bottle or dropped or simply misplaced or they were placed in a med box. It does happen from time to time and I can get an override from your insurance, I just need to make sure you don't have them somewhere else."

How does he respond?

"Well I don't make mistakes."

Really? You're entire life you've never made a mistake? You are the only perfect being on the planet? I think that would make him Jesus actually. Perhaps he lives a world where he can ride a unicorn while chasing dragons and singing with fairies.

Understandably I had to stifle a laugh which led to a prolong silence on the phone. Breaking my calm he further states,

"Now what am I supposed to do with just two tablets for the weekend?"

My mind clicks, "Two tablets? I thought you just said you had three?"

"I'm looking at them right now, it is just two tablets."

In my best Spock voice (seeing as I just saw the movie last night), "But doesn't that mean you just made a mistake? Puzzling..."

The rest of the call resulted in him grumbling and finally conceding that he would look to see if they were elsewhere. I expect I'll get a call back in 20 minutes stating he found them in an old bottle on another shelf.

Look at it this way, I met a perfect individual today. That's a bitchin' way to start a weekend!

To make you feel better about your day...

You could be this guy - (Kinda NSFW) http://www.break.com/index/sunroof-fail.html

Moral of the story? Close your damned sunroof

Balancing Act

How freakin' cool is this?



My partner-in-crime co-tech (I gotta think of a better name for him) discovered this while refilling a cell earlier. It was a Lortab 7.5 for those who are wondering (and if you can't see it check out the door near cell C-20). It's proper cell was 12 cells up, so it fell quite a ways.

Don't think I've ever seen one land so perfectly before. Is it an oman? Are we about to feel the wrath of the pharmacy Gods? Am I going to get more gray hairs? Only time shall tell...

I Met a Deer Fucker

You remember that game you would play on long car rides when you were a kid? Mark off when you'd see a particular license plate or certain car. Can't remember the name of it for the life of me, but for the last couple weeks I've been making one related to pharmacy. Today I was able to check off one of those items.

I met a deer fucker.

And not just a regular deer fucker, a dead deer fucker.

How do you talk to such a person? Do you ask him if it had a nice rack? Or if he'd ever mount one again?

The better question, how the hell do you keep a straight face while talking to a guy you know porked a dead animal. Twice.

We all have our weird fetishes. But if you're sitting at home on a Saturday night with some Kleenex and your favorite bottle of lotion and this is what you're thinking of:



Well I'm gonna have to say somethin' just ain't right with you.

The one benefit? I can mark of something on the list few others will be able to. Booyah!