Need Some Medicaid for your Escalade?

A lively Twitter debate has sparked a collection of data, formulated into a highly non-scientific study. The results are as follows.

Note: To curb some of the hate mail I've been receiving, I encourage you to check out this link. It may prove useful before getting one's panties in a bunch.

Abstract

There is a direct correlation between the drivers of Cadillac Escalades, especially when they are black and possessing rims, and their reliance upon state sponsored Medicaid when visiting a pharmacy. That correlation provides an example of not only the faults of the system, but the manner in which discretionary income is disproportionately spent on frivolous purchases, like an Escalade, over supporting their family.

An example of the type of vehicle in question

Introduction

First, we must clarify some otherwise stereotypical notions regarding individuals on Medicaid. This is not intended to judge those who use the system as it was designed. Individuals who are disabled, in the midst of transitional phase in their life or simply hard on their luck are not sought by this study.

Additionally, this does not seek to single out the Medicaid patient who may have given themselves the rare gift of a nice manicure or any other small piece of joy in an otherwise stressful life. Every person is entitled to spoil themselves at least occasionally.

No, this study seeks to identify those patients who appear to be abusing the system. Those who come to the pharmacy in repeatedly extravagant purchases, often times owning items beyond the means of the people who work in the pharmacy.

Data

Data was collected across a six day period over two separate pharmacy locations. Each location possesses a high percentage of Medicaid based clientele and a propensity for playing extremely shitty music overhead.

As such, fourteen (n =14) Escalades were either noticed at the pharmacy’s drive-thru or were noticed as being the patients vehicle at the pharmacy. A careful analysis of this number of data points combined with noted actions while in the store, including their insurance, provided the following results.

• Number of Patients meeting criteria: 14
• Number of said patients driving Escalades: 14
• Number of non-Medicaid patients driving Escalades: 0

Further analysis concluded that there is indeed a 100% probability of a patient being insured by Medicaid if they drive an Escalade, even truer if it is black in color with blinged out rims.

Every study needs a complicated graph. Look at the pretty colors!

Discussion

In noting these patients it became abundantly clear that there were other useful bits of information to be gathered. On average, the patient would bring three unruly children into the store. There was almost always an excessively jeweled up iPhone in their hand, the majority of which they had pressed firmly to their ear while at the counter.

In three instances the phrase, “My baby’s daddy…” was heard uttered during the conversation. The phrase, “I ain’t got my check for the month,” was used twice as a reasoning for not wanting to pay the one dollar copay.

While it is impossible to delve into the specifics of each individual’s personal and financial situation, it is possible to derive a perhaps improper spending of funds based upon their visible purchases. Not having a dollar for your son’s asthma medication could easily have been avoided if you were not driving around in a vehicle which most likely costs twice what you earn in a year.

Other high priced vehicles, Lincoln Navigators, BMWs, etc, were noted but did not meet any of the criteria sought in this study.

Conclusion

This non-scientific study has confirmed that if a patient arrives at a pharmacy in an Escalade, they will be an irresponsible Medicaid patient. Little can be done with this knowledge other than to provide an example as to how to not use the system. In addition, pharmacists and pharmacy technicians can use this visual cue to prepare for the highly probable flood of bullshit that will gush from the patients month.

One of the god fathers of the blinged out Cadillac Escalade phenomenon